Last Cigarette

It was the summer of 13 in Los Angeles, the air as was filled with the rivalry that naturally ensues when women are brought together to compete for the same dream. Molly was amongst the long list of woman who believed they had purchased a golden ticket to the cliché fairy tale life that they envisioned for themselves. It was the first day of college and for many the first few days in a new city, angst could be blatantly felt through the busy hallways. If you held your gaze long enough you could see it beneath all the makeup and brand-names. Many tried plastering over the inescapable intimidation with an overcompensating self-assuring attitude. But for Molly the feeling of being out of place was nothing new, this was a state she was all too familiar with. Standing in a line to collect overpriced books, Molly couldn’t help but notice the girl standing in front of her wearing white bell bottom linen pants, wood platform heels, and the classic wide brim hat covering her long dirty blond hair. She seemed different from the other girls, she possessed this effortless confidence that exuded authority of some sort. The two started up a conversation and introduced themselves unaware of what the future had in store for them. 

“I’m Geia,” she said. 

Intrigued by her name Molly asked her where she was from, Geia eagerly responded, 

“I’m from Venice, I went to Samo High and lived in LA my whole life.” 

This answered Molly’s question as to why she seemed to possess something that all the other girls did not. It was that southern California local vibe you can’t try to fake no matter how hard you try. Molly wanted more than anything a taste of what it was like to be a true-blue California local because she secretly wanted to be one. Unknowingly to Geia, she was the essence of that thing everyone wanted, that thing you can’t fake, that thing you can’t buy or get somehow. No matter how many coins you toss into the fountain or wishes you make on the stares, it is something that just is. 

Molly had all but one friend until she met Geia. The two met at a time in their lives where freedom was abundant, restraints seemed invisible and the possibilities of life were limitless. Geia was a local wanderlusting bohemian, that didn’t believe in anything but in her own self-reliance. Molly had never met someone so ambitious, so smart and so dumb all at the same time until Geia. Geia, would smoke weed, half a pack of Marlboro Reds a day and drink like a fish. Molly, was from a small town, brought up Christian, and appreciated all the intricacies that come along with life. Molly wasn’t accustomed to Geias way of living, but Molly was curious and slowly she began to accompany Geia in her bad habits constructing bad habits of her own. Despite their differences they had one very important thing in common, they were dreamers and wanted more than anything in this world to make those dreams come true. They could both see their dreams as clear as day and would spend countless nights under the stars, lighting up their dreams like the cigarettes they would smoke, manifesting the possibilities of what life could bring them. Molly and Geia gave a convincing portrayal of two girls traveling down a very long road with no regard for the consequences. The two were inseparable for a time, it wasn’t Molly without Geia and it wasn’t Geia without Molly. Unknowingly they were discovering themselves through each other. The two embarked on a free-spirited adventure in LaLaland. Spending days in the tranquil water, drinking, dancing and singing beneath the whistling palm trees on the cool California nights. Their worlds syncretized, Geias local friends, local parties and Venice house became Mollys. And Molly’s comforting words, love, and encouragement became Geias crutch, that she used regularly. Molly was entranced by the beauty of California and fell deeply in love with her new home. Geia, wanted nothing more than to leave the place she’s been her whole life. Geia was stubborn but slowly opened her heart and began to see her home through Molly’s eyes. Molly taught Geia how to see the magic that existed among them. Like the sun, days of drinking on lifeguard stands, bike riding through the canals and road trips had to eventually set. Molly finally got to be a part of the So Cal lifestyle she wanted so badly but soon she came to learn it wasn’t all it was made up to be. The truth began to rise up like the Pacific Ocean at high tide. 

With Molly and Geia discovering so much light, they were bound to discover the dark as well. Each began to face the differences that lay beneath the surface in one another. Molly began to uncover the ugliness of LA. The phony people, the make-believe façade and absence of love that resided. 

Molly began to see that Geia was amongst the blind Lost Angels. She began to notice how the two served as vices for one another, the continual rotation of Geia needing validation and reassurance from Molly to ease her from her constant insecurity. And Molly eagerly obliging because it served as a distraction from the truth Molly was so hastily running from. After they graduated, Molly slowly drifted from Geia and the partying lifestyle that came along with being her best friend, like an addict becoming clean. And Geia began to feel the absence of Molly, like an addict withdrawing from drugs. Geia needed her fix, she became desperate and used her childish antics in hopes to get Molly back to the subordinate role she filled so well. As hard as it was for Geia, it was just as hard for Molly. Molly didn’t want to tell Geia why she was distancing herself because she knew Geia’s pride wouldn’t have it. Curiosity as the culprit, Molly found herself in the middle of a war that she wanted no part of. Molly grew tiresome of walking on eggshells and pretending like she hadn’t changed. Geia was in self-denial, as she was about most things in her life and refused to let go of something that was already gone. Geia and Molly decided to meet at the park by Geias house to talk about their deteriorating friendship. As the two talked on the park bench, Geia exhausted every tactic trying to get Molly to feel as if she was in the wrong but it was no use. It was as if Geia was standing before Molly, naked. Geia couldn’t hide under her aggressive intimidating exterior any longer, Molly knew Geia better than anyone else. She could see through the manipulation, she could see through the intimidation, she could see what Geia was so obviously trying to cover up as if it wasn’t there. Her fear, insecurity, and ego; that she refused to face. Molly could now only see Geia for who she really was; a coward. The part of Geia, Molly tried so hard to pretend wasn’t there. 

“Everyone thinks you’ve been on drugs,” Geia said. 

Molly found no reason for defending herself, she felt no urge to fight any longer. 

“I’ve just needed time to focus on myself, Geia,” Molly said. 

“I haven’t seen you in two months, how much time do you need?” 

“I don't know, I’m just working on myself right now” were the only words Molly could mutter. But this wasn’t enough for Geia. Molly knew Geia wouldn’t get off that old park bench until she got what she wanted. 

Geia then said, “You don’t put in any effort and you don’t seem to be sorry either.”

At that moment Molly knew that she had two choices; to tell Geia what she really thought of her, or tell her what she wanted to hear. Molly paused for second and then said the words that she knew would get Geia off of her back,

“I’ll put in more effort and I’m sorry.” 

And with that, Geia’s ego was stroked, this was all Geia ever wanted: to win. 

As the two sat on a bench across from one another Molly looked at Geia and Geia looked at Molly, without words exchanged. Geia lit up a cigarette and handed it to Molly. Molly put it to her lips inhaling a long drag, as the cigarette slowly burned, Molly knew this would be her last. She flicked the cigarette onto the cold hard cement extinguishing the incandescent light for good.